Did you ever hear of that book called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus? It’s old now. No surprise if you haven’t heard of it. I haven’t even read it myself and I’m into all the nitty gritty of relationship dynamics!
the two greatest desires we have and was created with is to love and to be loved and when it is threatened then it messes us up bad and i do believe that fear rises up that losing such is one of the worse feelings in the world and at 66 i know how that feels. That horrible feeling of loss and emptiness can take you to the edge and so depressed that some can't bear it and take their lives.. i know being a widower being alone sucks but there is a upside to that too- no one will fight with you and no one there to hate you and no one to resent you-so yes there us an upside. but i would rather have someone who truly loves me and to share life with and all that entails.
i am learning and i think our past experiences we had play a big part in so much of this.. for example at 66 i am ok with my girlfriend having sex with someone else but at the same time if she were my wife then it would change because i believe we are taught all our lives that fidelity is expected in marriage and were taught that being faithful is noble and being faithful is to be a admired quality in someone and were also taught if your married and both partners agree consensual then it's ok but were also taught that by doing that husband and wife are defiling the marital bed which were taught in the church is sinful and adultery, so it is a conundrum. it is conflicting.