Why dating is supposed to be like a fight
Did you ever hear of that book called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?
It’s old now. No surprise if you haven’t heard of it. I haven’t even read it myself and I’m into all the nitty gritty of relationship dynamics!
I like the title though. You can tell a lot from a good title. It’s saying that men and women might as well be from different planets. That seems as obvious as sunrise in the morning.
Any time men and women come together, there’s fireworks. Sometimes there’s the good fun exciting fireworks — the scent of her hair, the magnetic pull of his washboard stomach.
Other times, the fireworks are more deafening.
That same energy of sexual attraction can bring us joy and excitement, or fear and anger.
Such is life!
Some writers like to say that this is because we have two different evolutionary strategies.
Men want to spread their seed widely in many different wombs.
Women want a reliable man to invest in her and her children.
… and she might be looking for good genes for those children from a different kind of man.
(That’s the part you’re not supposed to say out loud, lol)
Nature built us to be naughty. He’s going to feel the pull of new and different women sending out the right vibes from her girl-parts. She’s going to be tempted by the confident bad-boy (mostly when she’s ovulating…)
Which means, no matter how good it feels when you first meet, during those “new guy/girl tingles”, the competition is always behind the feelings.
Some people spend their whole lives chasing the tingles.
Other people find their happiness by moving past tingling.
You know what?
It’s always there. Many romantic couples will face this, one way or another.
You might get cheated on.
You might be the cheater.
You might come to an arrangement that permits “cheating” under certain rules. Only it’s not cheating then, is it? It’s licensed sexual contact.
That’s a safe way that many couples use to keep a lid on their competing sexual interests without exploding the whole relationship.
It’s new to many people. It’s weird. It goes against all their monogamy programming. That makes it frightening.
But, yes, you can explore sexual non-monogamy without being romantically and emotionally unfaithful.
It’s not for everybody. You might find that it’s one way to open up with your partner and get what you both want, though.
If you’re into honest and open ways to deal with infidelity in your romantic life, then you can support my writing with a free subscription.
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Be good to each other ;-)
~ Bella Blaze
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the two greatest desires we have and was created with is to love and to be loved and when it is threatened then it messes us up bad and i do believe that fear rises up that losing such is one of the worse feelings in the world and at 66 i know how that feels. That horrible feeling of loss and emptiness can take you to the edge and so depressed that some can't bear it and take their lives.. i know being a widower being alone sucks but there is a upside to that too- no one will fight with you and no one there to hate you and no one to resent you-so yes there us an upside. but i would rather have someone who truly loves me and to share life with and all that entails.
i am learning and i think our past experiences we had play a big part in so much of this.. for example at 66 i am ok with my girlfriend having sex with someone else but at the same time if she were my wife then it would change because i believe we are taught all our lives that fidelity is expected in marriage and were taught that being faithful is noble and being faithful is to be a admired quality in someone and were also taught if your married and both partners agree consensual then it's ok but were also taught that by doing that husband and wife are defiling the marital bed which were taught in the church is sinful and adultery, so it is a conundrum. it is conflicting.