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What you do when it goes too far
Would you want to wake up one morning next to a dumpster stinking of garbage, in a dark, wet back alley, on a cold winter morning and no memory of how you got there or why?
I once had a friend who “slept rough” (as she liked to call it) — she was homeless — and told me about plenty of mornings like that.
She had a drug problem at the time. No, don’t worry, she cleaned her act up years ago.
Those stories always haunted me though. Like how could somebody live like that? How could they let an addiction take over their lives like that?
You don’t know until you know, I guess.
I’m often reminded of this chilling warning when I read of couples who have become new converts to the church of open relationships.
Recently I read a story from one young woman who wrote:
This is turning us both on like crazy. It feels like we've taken some kind of fucked up horny drug and it's taking over our life.
I fear it's become too much.
I have no complaints (and I don't think he does), but I keep wanting more.
She was talking about dabbling her toes into the “hotwife” lifestyle. She dates other men… maybe some of them become FWBs… while hubby stays at home and does the housework, safely monogamous.
I don’t have trouble with that kind of arrangement so long as everyone is cool with it. As you can see from her words, it’s having the desired effect on their sex lives.
While that’s great, it’s also the problem.
See what she says there?
It’s like a bad drug. Taking over their lives.
She’s expressing a real fear about what she/they are doing… and wants to keep on doing it.
That all sends up warning flares for me.
Look. I’m all about exploring fantasies and accepting pleasure in your lives however it may come. If couples find new types of emotional and sexual satisfaction with this kind of kinky play, then yay for them!
This story shows you why you have to use caution and move slowly.
I don’t think anyone with a healthy mind and spirit could really want a sexual desire to take over their lives.
No matter how good it feels. No matter how much you want it.
That’s like saying you want to get strung out on H and wake up in that smelly freezing alley like my friend used to do.
Yeah it’ll feel good when the high hits… but just look at yourself. You’re a mess.
Sex isn’t “really” a drug, but it does activate the same parts of the brain as a hit of smack.
If you put yourself in situations where you are always escalating the stakes… as can happen with these consenting non-monogamous kinks… you can end up with behaviors that look very much like drug addictions.
I don’t know this couple, but if they asked for my advice, I’d strongly suggest they step back and cold-turkey quit the game for at least six months. Spend more time together, talking, cuddling, chatting, figuring out what they want, and most of all… making sure they’re doing what they really want instead of acting out some weird sex addiction.
And if you’re a couple who DOES value my advice, you can click here to begin your journey into Bella’s twisted (but sensual) universe:
Be good to each other 😉
~ Bella Blaze
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