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When humiliation crosses the line
I got an email the other morning from a reader who was NOT happy with her husband’s performance.
It was one of those arrangements where they’d got together young, been each other’s first, and got married soon after high school.
You know the story.
She had an awakening on realizing that her husband not only didn’t satisfy her, but was rather embarrassingly under-sized for the job.
Now, in today’s culture, it’s hard for a man OR a woman to keep their wandering thoughts from Farmer Brown’s greener pastures. With all that sex all over the place, you’re going to wonder what it’s like over there. (Even if they’re wondering about what you’ve got…)
So it was with my reader.
She found her husband’s gear inadequate to the task at hand.
Now here’s what gets me.
In that situation, where she is curious, and he is willing to let her experiment (if not more interested), you would think that would be the end of things.
This wife was out for revenge.
She wanted her man named and shamed for his “tiny contribution” to marital bliss.
Miss Blaze is no dummy. I realize full well that this could part of their play … or even a reader with an over-active imagination who wanted to play “pen pal”.
I make no judgments. What I do know is that there are a lot of men out there who say they enjoy this kind of fetish. There are a lot of women who say they love playing that game.
I don’t get it. And I don’t think it’s a positive experience.
Okay, I’m not a guy, I don’t have a penis, and I don’t suffer from performance anxiety down there. Women almost never have to worry if our stuff is going to get the job done 😸
Maybe I’m missing out on something that the male half can understand. But as I see it, if you’re going to fool around with open relationships, the appeal is about the sexual experience with different people.
It’s about using those experiences to explore your emotional and sexual connection with your SO.
Focusing on self-destructive feelings isn’t about sex and it isn’t about sexual experience.
Once it turns into a humiliation fetish, you’re better off heading to the BDSM dungeon with a good domme. Or becoming that domme, if you’re the lady.
The humiliation angle always seems like pointless cruelty from the woman, and it’s hard to be attracted to a man who thinks so little of himself. And furthermore, it makes me uncomfortable, like I should be getting him psychiatric help.
Destroying your partner’s self-image for your own pleasure isn’t exactly a healthy fixation, either.
Did I just spit in your morning cereal? It’s not personal. I’m not even judging. You like what you like and good for you.
It isn’t lost on me that play-time is often fantasy-time, with loving, caring, trusting couples acting out things they could never, and would never, do in reality.
For me, what it exciting and thrilling and breath-taking about the open-minded couples who explore “infidelity” together, is the intimacy and pleasure they share…
The stronger, deeper, more profound connection between them.
Making it all about male humiliation doesn’t seem at all the same thing.
I don’t know if that helped your attitude or added anything to your relationship. Use that gem as you see fit.
If you want more gems of insight when you journey into Bella’s twisted (but sensual) universe, use the link:
Be good to each other 😉
~ Bella Blaze
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