The wine revealed his dark secrets
The grapes unleashed his hidden dark side.
One cold night about five or six years ago my husband and I got a little “risque” after one too many glasses of red wine.
We were on our new couch and things got steamy.
I don’t mean like graphic-graphic. Get your head out of the gutter!
That night it was all talk. Filthy talk though it was.
I knew he had this kink for wife sharing. Like a lot of guys who discover this fantasy, he’d once been cheated on by a girl that he thought he’d loved.
Maybe she did or didn’t love him, but she sure couldn’t keep her legs closed, LOL
As he worked through his feelings, he discovered that secret that a lot of men know.
Yes, it’s infuriating, outrageous, disloyal, dishonest, and a total betrayal of trust when she cheats on you.
… and it’s also kinda hot.
To each his own. I admit, it took a lot for me to understand the male attraction to such things. All I know is that it gets his blood racing in all the right places.
As it does with lots (and lots and lots) of other guys.
But that night, he got deep. Way past the arousal in his body.
Down to the real motivations. The dark, dangerous stuff.
Did you ever wonder why the “fight or flight” reflex is the same for fear AND sexual arousal?
As far as your body’s concerned, a snarling wolf is no different from a naked ample-bosomed woman when they’re ready to pounce.
He went deep and found a lot of negative junk banging around down in his mental basement.
Fear of not pleasing me in bed.
Fear of “size” inadequacy.
Fear of performance.
If the fear wasn’t enough?
There’s one thing above all else.
The master switch.
Guilt.
He’s supposed to please his woman with a magnificent appendage (that will cause pain in 95% of girls, ouch!)
He’s supposed to create earth-shattering orgasms in his woman.
He’s supposed to be a virile, tireless stud.
He’s supposed to last for hours.
If he can’t do it, then maybe somebody else can. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe he wants to satisfy his own desires second-hand.
That may all be good for selling Viagra. It’s not so great for a happy healthy bedroom with his wife.
Thing is, when we got into it, most of his “failings” came from what he learned from porn and locker-room talk.
Guy stuff.
Which makes it funny and cute when he’s feeling guilty over his shameful desire for sharing…
Which he only wants because of his performance guilt!
And you say that us ladies are the emotional ones? LOL
The more we talked, the more I realized…
His kinky fantasy isn’t much more than a bundle of nerves that happens to get his man-parts throbbing.
And nothing motivates the nerves like a Sunday morning sermon dripping with reminders of your own moral failings.
Honey, there’s nothing shameful in that fantasy, let me tell you! ;-)
It’s cute and sensual. Flattering.
It’s true, a lot of gals won’t see it that way. You know why?
They’re dealing with their own fears and guilty consciences. Women have our own hangups (if you didn’t already notice).
You know what though?
For the right couples, fear, guilt, and anxiety can be sources of deep connection and revived energy.
You aren’t used to thinking of romance like that, are you? It’s supposed to be happy rainbows and springtime sunshine.
Let me tell you first hand.
The dark side has a lot more going on.
And you have to understand that part of yourself. Bring it out into the open, accept it, own it.
But you’ve got to get your head and your heart in the right place first.
And if you want to know more about the hard work of coming to terms with the dark emotions of your complex relationship, you should probably be subscribed to my regular emails.
Click here and Bella’s twisted brain is all yours:
Be good to each other ;-)
xoxo
~ Bella Blaze
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