The FAD of unfaithful relationships

A boy wrote in to me a few months ago about his kinky wish for his wife-to-be.

Like a lot of men today, he caught the big-C bug and wanted his fiancee to fool around with another guy or five before they said “I do”.

He said it was for her benefit.

I doubt it.

Guys with this fetish are almost always doing it for themselves.

Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I think it’s cute, sexy, and flattering when a boy is into his special woman that much. It takes a lot of trust. Many a well-meaning fellow has found out the hard way, getting burned when that smoldering powder-keg between his lady’s legs gets lit by another guy.

Boom.

Even consensual infidelity brings up a lot of powerful feelings.

We aren’t made for monogamy. But we aren’t totally cool with non-monogamy either. When you encourage her to play with other men, you’re involving a lot of emotions and new feelings.

Good and bad.

There’s the obvious good feelings and pleasures.

Then there’s the not-so-nice feelings which I call the FAD of unfaithfulness:

1. Fear

Not that fear is unique to ethically non-monogamous couples. If anything, they have MORE to be afraid of… like an old-fashioned affair behind the other partner’s back.

But, when you know your wife (or husband) is out getting the fun stuff from other people, that underlines and highlights the whole thing.

What if she falls for him? What if she doesn’t enjoy sex with me anymore? What if I’m not good enough? What if I’m a loser because I like this?

Women who find out their men want them to sleep around have their own version. Is he trying to cheat on me? Is he tired of our relationship? Am I not good enough for him? Is he a weird pervert?

2. Anger

I don’t care how much a man says he’s turned on by a “cheating” girlfriend.

When he knows another dude is plowing the fertile fields that belong to him (as his primitive monkey-brain sees it), he’s feeling a flash of anger.

It may not be enough to win the race with his little head downstairs… but he’s feeling it.

And better yet…

That righteous anger might even fuel his sexual arousal.

As it happens, the same brain-circuits that make you feel sexually turned-on are also responsible for feelings of anger.

You find the same accelerated heart-rate, increased pulse, dilated pupils, and adrenaline in the blood stream in both cases.

Being hot to trot is the same thing as being turned on, as far as your body’s concerned.

3. Doubt

Doubting your own sanity, for starters. What kind of lunatic encourages your wife or husband to get sexy with other people?

Doubt comes in many shapes. Doubts about your own desirability are a powerful motivation for unfaithfulness.

Often, as much for the cheater as for the cheat-ee.

A neglected housewife, bored of the routine, might find herself doubting her marriage, her attractiveness, and even her self-worth. Sudden attention from a new guy can light the old flames, luring her in like a moth to flame.

That guy who looks confident on the outside could doubt his own virility. Maybe he’s not making his girlfriend climax like he believes he should. Maybe he doubts that she’s even into him at all, and wants to give her new experiences to make up for it… or test her loyalty.

These negative emotions can lower your guard, making you feel almost obliged to give your partner a free pass.

They can make your experience rocky when it actually happens.

And if that weren’t enough…

They’re fuel for the flames of your super-kinky desires.

Wild sex, inside or outside of your relationship, can be like an addictive drug.

The more you take, the more you need for the next… even when you know it’s destroying you from the inside out.

A little creative negativity can spice up many bedrooms. But take care it doesn’t leave you an empty shell.

If you don’t want to wind up as an empty husk of a person, subscribe for free and help support my work.

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Be good to each other ;-)

xoxo
~ Bella Blaze

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