Discover more from Ablaze With Bella
Starting out easy?
You don’t expect to pick up a camera and take world-class photos on day one, do you?
Don’t be silly!
It takes time, plus dedication to regular practice, and building the skills that make a good photographer.
You start out easy.
Doing little things.
If you’re coming from a situation of plain vanilla monogamy, and one of your… or both of you… are faced with unfaithfulness…
This is how you need to think.
Most of the problems that happen from affairs, happen because one partner moved too fast.
Maybe he didn’t really care about her… maybe she’s childish and impatient…
Either way, they put their own desires above their romantic partner.
Couples that make non-monogamy work, from surviving an affair right through consensual play-time, make it work by going slow.
It’s way easier to walk in comfortable shoes that you’ve had for years. They’re broken in. You have more flexibility.
Try to run a 100 mile ultramarathon in tough brand-new leather! Ouch!
When adventurous couples come to me asking about how to explore “other people” more directly, I always say “Go Slow”
There’s plenty of time.
Even the process will teach you a LOT about yourself and your partner. Secret desires and attitudes he or she would never say to you will come out in their responses and behaviors.
Remember, you can’t un-do what is done. But you can take your time as you slowly explore your fantasies.
This works for any stage of your relationship awakening.
Some couples like to play with teasing and denying the guy. You don’t want to run to Amazon and buy a cage on day one!
You start slow and easy. Set rules like…
Not allowed to see her naked
Not allowed to see certain body parts
Not allowed to touch her in certain ways
Notice something else?
All these rules are “you” focused.
They’re about what you two do together. Setting boundaries on your romantic, sensual, and sexual activities. Not quite getting out there into real infidelity.
There’s a madness to this method. You are experiencing part of what it is like to be in a non-monogamous, partly unfaithful, relationship.
This is important, dude. Read that twice and then three more times if you need to.
I’m talking about the difference between emotionally focused relationships and sexually focused fantasy.
The sex stuff gets all the attention. Why? Sex is a scarce commodity, even for women. Men spend their whole lives after age 12 thinking about getting some. Women spend their lives finding guys good enough to let in their special gardens… and then wondering why the experience rarely lives up to the hype.
But it’s the relationship that lasts. Relationships are built on a solid foundation of emotions.
Remember, even your weird open-marriage kink only turns you on because it is a violation of the usual relationship expectations.
That’s where your attention should be.
A couple that explores patiently, together, keeping their attention on each other and their feelings, can do almost anything with each other… even if that involves steamy play-time with others.
Something for you to think about.
If you're a mature enough adult to use your brain as well as your naughty-parts, click here and begin your journey into Bella’s twisted (but sensual) universe:
Be good to each other 😉
~ Bella Blaze
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