Humans are monogamous (except when we aren't)
What they expect from us isn't how it's going to go...
A reader pointed me at a spicy adult scene that a “content creator” posted a few days ago.
I’m familiar with this creator, which is actually a real-life couple. Like most of their videos, this one had more than the two of them in it. That’s an interesting twist, isn’t it? A couple, doing sechsy things with another person (or persons).
It’s monogamy… But not quite.
How’s that work?
Let’s be real. Sex outside of the marriage or primary relationship is a major deal-breaker for both partners.
Men get shocked and offended by the disloyalty.
Women cheat sexually when they’re checked out of the main relationship and another guy lights her candles.
On either side, sex outside the relationship is considered cheating and disrespect for the other partner.
Unless they’ve made a prior arrangement.
Yes, that’s a thing.
Monogamy is a mythical creature. We need it! Most human beings are naturally suited to pair up into boy-girl relationships. Even LGBT peoples tend to settle into pairs.
But monogamy doesn’t always suit everyone, all the time, in every way.
With sex?
Monogamy is a libido killer.
We need monogamy, but it crushes an important part of our lives.
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We are suited for monogamy as far as emotional and romantic connections. It’s nice to have a loyal intimate partner to share your life with.
But monogamy isn’t a friend to our sexual desires.
Familiar isn’t sexy.
Men like novelty. You may have heard of the Coolidge Effect. Give a man sex with one woman and he’ll lose interest. Give him his choice of the hen-house and he’s got stamina for days.
Women aren’t exempt. Female sexual arousal is strongly linked to being desired by men she finds attractive. Sexual interest from desirable men is a quick way to get the panties off.
One partner, all the time, isn’t ideal for sexual fulfillment in either sex.
That doesn’t mean monogamy is worthless. Hardly. There are things more important than sex. It does mean that if sechsy fun is your interest, you’d do well to keep these facts in mind.
We play by the rules of monogamy because, mostly, the rules work. But nobody quite fits the part.
Horny apes want want horny apes want, moral and social rules be damned.
Men and woman find themselves tempted by the greener pastures. Maybe not always, and some will get more than others… but the temptation is there and it is real. Every romantic relationship lives under what Esther Perel calls the “shadow of the third.” There’s always that other guy or other lady waiting to take your lover away.
We don’t quite fit society’s expectations, making us like puzzle pieces that don’t quite fit the picture on the box. You’re supposed to do this, this, and this, if you’re a guy, or this, that, and the other thing if you’re a girl.
And we try. Some fit better than others. But one-size-fits-all doesn’t ever fit anybody.
The thing about puzzle pieces that don’t fit?
Sometimes you’ll find two misfit pieces that fit together like pineapple and pizza.
Controversial… a source of strong opinions… not for everybody…
But when it works, it works.
Take a woman with an exhibitionist’s streak and a willingness to enjoy male attention, and combine her with a man who has a voyeur’s interest in watching.
You get something that shouldn’t work…
But it works.
Sharing your wife with another couple in their bed while you watch isn’t an ideal of monogamy. But after everybody gets off, they’re still a couple sharing a life. They still care about each other. They both had great sex.
It’s not quite society’s ideal of monogamy, but it’s got all the good parts. What else do you want?
👉 What do you think? Tick your answer in the poll or leave a COMMENT so I know what’s got your engine purring… 😺
Til next time!
xoxo
~Bella Blaze 😘
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