Dear wife, your confused reactions are normal
Men create unexpected surprises and strong feelings for their wives...
She was fuming over what her husband told her
One of the most common stories I hear from my readers, from frustrated email confessions and discreet answers in my new-reader survey, comes from the female half of the equation.
I hear from more than a few women who are angry, annoyed, bothered, or even disgusted at their husbands.
That’s not counting all the confused ladies stunned by the audacity of his naughty offer.
Not surprising that one of the common complaints I get from men is that he confessed his fantasy and now he’s got an angry wife who is disgusted at him 🤣
Men do not get how women process a surprising and scandalous request like hotwifing.
Men don’t get the social conditioning that women receive from birth about sexual behavior.
Men also don’t get that a woman’s feelings in the moment aren’t an indicator of how she’ll feel in 20 minutes.
That’s three strikes already!
Add in the bumbling and stupid way that men with wife-sharing fantasies bring it up to their wives or girlfriends and it’s impressive that you don’t find an uptick in divorce rates!
What he expects:
Him: Hey babe, I’ve had this fantasy about you being with other guys and it’s a huge turn on would you like to try it?
Her: (undressing) Oh wow baby that is so hot when can we start?
What happens:
Him: Hey babe I’ve got this kink where you put my junk in a cage and call me a loser while you get drilled by a man you don’t know but he’s got a 10” penis
Her: What the f*k did I marry? 😕
Boys boys boys… sigh.
You know why women find themselves angry and disgusted at your “great idea”?
It’s ‘cause you treat her sexuality like YOUR sexuality.
Your woman gets angry at this because you don’t see things from HER point of view.
You think it’s about easy sex.
She’s got two dozen fears dancing through her mind.
Disgust? Yes, indeed.
Women respond to strong, confident, assertive men.
Don’t listen to what she SAYS. Watch what she DOES. (Especially between her thighs. 😇) There is a reason for that meme about the loud vocal feminist ending up in bed with the right-wing jerk-boy.
Unless handled with delicate care, you’re coming to her with the request to treat you like a weak bitch.
You’re giving her a gift, in your mind.
In her mind?
Pussy’s drier than a raisin in the desert at high noon.
There is one catch.
With time to think on it and let the idea ripen, she can come around.
The initial burst of anger and disgust (if she feels them) at being thought of as a common whore (or… even worse thoughts about you) can give way to a feeling of curiosity… and… pussy-wetting arousal after she’s got time to process your proposal.
After all, you ARE promising her a fantasy centered on her pleasure, her fun, and her decision.
And if there’s a guy she’s had her eye on, in that look-but-don’t-touch way women do?
That just became a lot more alive for her.
Here’s the part where a happily married woman can enter into a powerful state of conflicted emotions.
She’s warming up to the possibilities.
But she’s stick in her old guilt-tripping program that needs to keep up appearances around monogamy.
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Navigating a fantasy wherein a married woman hooks up with other men isn't about a simple yes or no.
You don’t decide you want to do it and then you’re done.
There’s a whole landscape of mixed emotions, ups and downs, highs and lows, that you will have to understand and accept. Both of you.
Fears, anger, frustration, doubt, guilt, and hesitation?
They’re as much a part of it as the lusty desires, the curiosity, and sensual satisfaction.
You’re supposed to feel those twists of anger, jealousy, and fear.
You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t.
Any woman that says different is getting paid to be there.
Feeling anger, and more, right off the bat is normal.
Not all women, no. Some feel confusion. Others run through the laundry list of all the ways it can backfire. Some are curious but hesitant. A few lusty gals may need a leash to hold them back.
If anger is the first response, there’s often a reason for that.
Something hidden and unaddressed.
Usually to do with a lingering source of guilt or shame, by the way.
And that is not always a bad thing. You want your woman to have a moral compass.
Men?
Your job is not to lecture her into feeling the right way according to you.
If that’s all you can bring, you’re better off saying nothing. Nobody ever argues another person into changing a feeling or changing a belief. All you can do, besides telling her what you want and what lights your fires, is stay out of the way and let her come to her own conclusions.
You can support her in that process.
Patience and pacing are your most important tools.
Move slow. Be ready for it to take time. Oak trees don’t reach full height in a day.
Face the emotions as they come and deal with them. If there’s hidden guilt and shame and fear, that will have to be handled.
Whatever you do — before you decide to act on the fantasy or dismiss it — take time to map your own mixed emotions.
It’s 100% normal to feel conflicted and for the negative feelings like anger and guilt and fear to have their say.
Even if you’re hornier than a mountain goat at the same time.
Nobody said that being human was simple. 😁
Here’s the easy takeaway:
Ask yourself what fears are underneath your first reaction, and what desires are underneath your curiosity.
Your emotions are not an obstacle. Treat them as a map. Let them guide you.
Trust yourself to read them and set the pace.
👉 What do you think? Does sharing make you angry, guilty, afraid, or hot to trot?
Let me know in the comments and please share this article if you know a kinky reader who might like it!
Til next time!
xoxo
~ Bella Blaze 😘
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