Are you serving dinner for her or adventure racing together?
A reader's question reveals a big difference between the "flavors" of c**kolds and stags
A curious reader sent the following:
READER EMAIL:
Hey, I've been thinking about this fantasy and wanted to get your take on it. I think you'll understand where I'm coming from.
So picture this. I'm the one who cooks for her. I know her tastes, I try hard, and I want her to feel taken care of. But every now and then, I take her out to eat. We go to a place where the chef is just better. The food is amazing, the whole experience is unforgettable, and she really enjoys it. She even starts looking forward to going back.
I didn’t cook the food myself, but I picked the place, paid for the dinner, brought her there. I made it all happen.
Sex feels like that for me too.
In our relationship, I'm the one who usually sleeps with her. I do my best, try to make it good for her. But sometimes I take her somewhere else. I set things up with a man who’s probably more confident, more intense, maybe even better at fucking her than I am. And when it happens, it’s amazing for her. She moans in ways I’ve never heard. She lights up. She talks about it afterward with this glow. And yeah, she wants to go back.
But it’s like with the restaurant, I’m the one who made it happen. I found the guy. I arranged the date, booked the room, paid for the weekend. I gave her that experience.
So where does that leave me? I’m not the one doing the thing she loves the most, but I’m the one who gave it to her. I don’t feel like I’m losing her. In a strange way I feel like I’m doing my job. I’m giving her what she craves, even if I can’t give it to her directly.
What does that make me? A cuck? A dom behind the curtain? Just a husband who's accepted the reality that one man can’t be everything?
Curious how you’d frame that dynamic.
—Chef Cuckoo
What I think, Chef, is that you have a kink you like, and a way of making it work for you.
If you like to think of yourself as catering up a special dinner for your special lady, by all means. I give you my blessing. 😊
The reason why I chose this question to answer this week isn’t about fine-dining at the expensive steak house, though.
It’s about something he said here.
A very important idea.
It’s only one little line, so you probably missed it.
But it’s huge, if you care about your kink and your fantasy sex life.
Here’s a quick story told to me some years ago by one of my sluttier friends.
She and her boyfriend at the time (they’ve since married) excited themselves into trying out the sharing kink.
Her man was frank in what he wanted. He wanted her to hook up with other guys. He meant hook up. Nothing serious, no strings, no regulars, no lovey-dovey.
What they did was set up a dating profile online and arrange dates.
When they wanted to fool around, they’d find a guy, arrange the meeting, and the guy was in and out (pun intended 😊)
Telling me the story later, my friend confessed that the sex with the guy was “whatever” most of the time.
But she loved it because she felt like such a slut doing it—
And more than that, she loved how her boyfriend took care of business like no other time in their relationship.
With those two, it wasn’t ever about my friend having a magical 7 course meal delivered by a 4-star Michelin chef.
They way they played was all about creating an intense experience for each other, with each other.
She might like the guy and the sex…
But the main attraction was the thrill of fooling around and being naughty. She loved it, he got off on it, and she got off on getting him off.
Chef has one kind of kink.
My friend and her husband played it different.
When it comes to sharing, ask yourself this:
Do you want to arrange meals… or play adventure sports?
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Why the difference?
Desires are different between individuals. Sexual desires are more than different. They’re distinctive. Sexual sweet-tooths get into specifics. The sexual appetite in human beings gets hot and bothered by the oddest details.
That said…
There are reliable patterns to what gets a man or woman going and what gets them off.
Chef’s kink specifics demonstrate an important truth about male lusts for wife-sharing fun. He doesn’t care where she gets a tasty meal. He doesn’t need to be the cook. It’s all about getting her a satisfying meal that she’ll smack her lips for and think about months (years?) later.
Chef only want to coordinate the cooking. He doesn’t need credit for the meal.
That’s a nice way to look at it, but—
Other men with the wife-sharing itch aren’t getting their nut from m’lady’s enjoyment alone.
My friend’s husband, who we’ll call Mr. Stag, has different ideas.
Her enjoyment certainly does factor in! But her toe-curling excitement is part of a bigger performance…
… and unlike Chef, Mr. Stag is in it for the pulse-pumping excitement of the game. He appreciates a good meal, and he wants his lady to eat well, but he’s not focused on who gets the most 5-star reviews.
It's all about the thrill of the game they play together and the rush of giving away the bride.
If Chef wants a great meal, Mr. Stag wants to throw money on the roulette wheel.
When you’re fooling around with fooling around, this can be a super-helpful tool for figuring out what both of you want out of your non-monogamous exploits.
Are you more interested in arranging a good time for your wife?
Does your husband get more pumped up about breaking the rules than the sex-act itself?
It’s worth knowing where you stand on this, and what your mate’s expecting, too.
A lot of trouble happens when you assume you’re on the same wavelength, only to find out after a dirty deed that you did NOT want the same things!
Don’t let that be you!
The best way to avoid bad calls like this… which nobody else will tell you about… is to be a member here in Club Blaze.
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Use the buttons below to refer a friend (there’s rewards!) and share this post.
Til next time!
xoxo
~Bella Blaze 😘